Friday, May 12, 2006

grounds for divorce

divorce

The big day has arrived…the discussion about divorces. This is a huge topic, so I will have to divide it into sections. Today we will discuss the grounds for getting a divorce. This is a serious subject and can be a devastating stage in someone’s life. I have tried to add a little humor to the subject to make it an easier read. If you are in the middle of a divorce, or contemplating divorce and you do not think humor is appropriate, you can rest assured that I take each and every case that walks through my door deadly serious, and I play to win. Then again…a little humor never hurt anyone….

grounds for getting a divorce in Texas

There are basically 7 “grounds” for getting a divorce in Texas. Grounds are basically reasons to get a divorce. Back in the ancient days these used to matter more than they do now because now they have the no fault (insupportability) divorce. In the old days they did not have this and you had to have “grounds”.

insupportability

This is the most common reason for divorce. In my practice, I plead this in every divorce. You can plead other grounds (below) in addition to this one, but this one is most common. With this one you simply allege that the marriage has become insupportable because of discord and conflict, which destroys the legitimate ends of the marriage relationship and there is no reasonable expectation of reconciliation.

How is that for legal mumbo jumbo? This is the no contest divorce clause and translated means you and your spouse are not getting along and won’t be getting along ever again…SO GIVE ME A DIVORCE!

cruelty

You can get a divorce if your spouse is guilty of cruel treatment to the extent that further living together is not possible. LOL. Just about anybody reading this who is considering divorce probably feels like this applies to them. In my practice I sometimes allege this, but cannot say that I have ever used it as the grounds.

adultery

BAM! This is a big one. The definition is having sexual intercourse with one person while married to another. Two interesting little tidbits on this one…first, you will notice that it says “sexual intercourse”, so I guess all you bad little boys and girls out there (and I know you are out there considering some of the rumors I have been hearing about my readers) who are just doing the kissing thing or any other mouth activities are safe (wink wink). You are still guilty of being naughty.

The second interesting thing about the wording (or maybe it isn’t interesting) is that it says having intercourse with one “person” while married to another. So….any of my readers out there who may still be in the closet, this could apply to you.

As far as going to court over this ground, I have one thing to say…PROVE IT! I cannot tell you how many times this is raised in a divorce and about nine times out of ten there is no way to prove it. Even if you can prove your spouse is running around with another “person” that in and of itself is not proof of “sexual intercourse”. Get it? Good!

Many times people (lawyers) use this ground to attempt to get their client a bigger share of the divorce property pot.

conviction of a felony

You can get a divorce in Texas if your spouse has been convicted of a felony AND has been imprisoned for at least a year AND has not been pardoned. Pretty self explanatory. The funny part about this one is one last little item of the statute that says a divorce may not be granted under this section if the convicted spouse was convicted on the testimony of the other spouse!

Translated that says if your mean a#$ put me in here, guess what, you can’t divorce me! BOO YA! Kidding of course.

abandonment

You can get a divorce in Texas if your spouse hauled butt on you with the intention of abandoning you and has not returned for a year. Simple.

I get a lot of calls from people stating that there spouse just moved out and abandoned them…”I want to claim abandonment”. Well, we now know the requirements.

living apart

You can get a divorce on this ground if you and your spouse have lived apart without cohabitation (living together) for at least three years. Why not just use abandonment? What constitutes “abandonment” versus just separating and “living apart”? Enquiring minds want to know!

I don’t know the answer to these questions. I could find it, but quite honestly, why? Just get an “insupportable” divorce. Actually, there may be strategic reasons for using grounds other than “insupportability”, but not in your typical case.

confinement in mental hospital

If, at the time you file for divorce, your spouse is confined in a mental hospital, and has been for three years, and it looks like they are not getting any better, you can seek a divorce.

So there you go…7 grounds for getting divorced in Texas. Like I said earlier, almost all divorces that I have been involved with are granted on the grounds of insupportability. However, there are situations when alleging other grounds can be advantageous to your case.

To learn more about me, visit my new blog at www.theDallasDivorceBlog.com or www.PlanoDivorceBlog.com

Until next time….


The information contained in this blog is provided for informational (and sometimes entertainment) purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject matter. I can guarantee you that I am not covering every facet of the family code, and there may be hidden gems in the Family Code that could make or break your case based upon your specific fact situation. No recipients of content from this blog, retained client or otherwise, should act or refrain from acting on the basis of any content included in this blog without seeking the appropriate legal or other professional advice. ALL CASES ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF THE FACTS PARTICULAR TO YOUR CASE; THEREFORE YOU NEED A LAWYER TO DISCUSS THOSE SPECIFIC FACTS. I expressly disclaim all liability in respect to actions taken or not taken based on any or all of the content of this blog. Talk to a lawyer first, preferably me, it is that simple!

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

could that "one person" (in the adultery thing be yourself?)

Kidding. Like the log.

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Uh, no.

becca said...

Where is your office located? do you do free initial consultations?

-Becca

Chris Schmiedeke said...

My office is in Addison, and yes i offer free consultations

old school client said...

His office is in Addison, but he practices in Collin, Denton?? Dallas, etc.

He's top notch.

He's like a doctor of lawyer. And Becca, his website link is right there on his blog page.

family law said...

Check out this introduction article on family law:
family_law
Content:
1.Relationships
2.Problems during a marriage
3.Issues related to children
4.Termination of relationships
5.Scope of the court

Anonymous said...

Here is one for you Chris, say that a married couple has been legally separated and the guy moves in with another women for many years. He never tells his wife he is living with her. Does the women (not his wife) have the right to file a divorce because of all of the lies and he was truely was living a double life with both of them, also living financally off of both of them, (including property). It shows today that he must of being committing adultery with both of them all along.
Help Him! he has two wives!!!!!!
Should he face and be charged being married to two women because of the lies or just what you said that the courts look at it on a case by case bases,
ONLY YOU REALLY WOULD KNOW!!!!

GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE
insuppotability
adultery
living apart more than three years
putative
He pretended to her that she was the only one in his life and that was not true.

Chris Schmiedeke said...

First of all there is no such thing as a "legal separation" in Texas. I think that is something they use in California. However, if the guy is still married, then there can only be one marriage. If you are attempting to say that they are common law married in the second relationship, I would answer that they are not, because that marriage would be void due to the first marriage. So, to answer your question, the second women could file for divorce, but i do not think it would survive legal challenge.

What you have basically is a married guy cheating on his wife. As far as the second women, she could possibly seek recourse in real estate law, or contract law depending on what items they had accumulated.

Anonymous said...

Ref. to the man with two wives!! Chris, there may not be a legal separation in the State of Texas but him and his wife drawing up marrital agreements is still a form of legally separating thier belongings just in case of a divorce.Meanwhile this could be bad news to the wife because she would be responsible for the illegal actions he keept from her. So, she would of had to of kept her I's dotted and her T's crossed the whole time he has been running around on her as you say; Right? The other women may not survive a legal challenge in a courtroom but don't you think she can survive many other ways in a courtroom? The card game the man played with the two women could cost him everything, right Chris? and also put his wife in some kind of Jeopardy!!!!

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous....you are correct in that a marital property agreement can be binding depending on the facts surrounding it. You have to act on it though. Just having it sitting around will do you no good, especially if there is any reconciliation.

I am not following what you mean by the "illegal actions" talk. However, I do agree that the new girlfriend could make life miserable!

Anonymous said...

First of all you must of not clearly read the first comment. This is not a new girlfriend, It is a women he has been with for the past 2 decays. Must of been a good liar to his wife.

Life does not have to be miserable for who ever you are talking about, (the man I assume). You really suprise me Chris, because clearly the man did everything to cause this,and he should live happy ever after? (the truth and nothing but the truth). He would never make it in a courtroom would'nt you say Chris?
Also you would not know what was meant about "illegal actions" why would you!!!! Would you agree as a lawyer to gather all facts and all informantion first from every avenue to win this case? Surly thats in the process at this time!!

Would you like to be in the middle of a trial like this Chris?
(Very Seriously)

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the three missed spelled words, I worked to late last night.

Maddison said...

Anonymous....More, More, More, This is a really good one and I would like to know how this ends. I know you miss spelled words but the word decades you miss spelled was funny because I bet the man wished he had two decays!Ha! Ha! instead of being married that long and being was with a woman for "two decades" and the wife did not know!!!!!!!!!!
More, More, More,

Anonymous said...

Chris, I sorry you did not respond yet but I really understand. I know that we will exchange words again "very soon". I feel that you gave good advice,even thought you have know idea about it all! Madison, I believe the story will come out good for everyone that was taken for granted, manipulated, and lied to . I believe the man will never have the peace everyone eles will. He will continue to do wrong to others as he is doing at this time."He still has alot to go through."
Readers: Chris is a awesome attorney, I believe he will be the best for all of you. Good luck and I know you will be the best!

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous, I am so sorry I did not respond...I have this thing set up to email me when a comment is posted and half the time it does not do it.

With regard to my earlier post...I feel no remorse for the guy... when I referred to the girlfriend making lives miserable, I was thinking about the wife and all the property mess that could arise (and kids?)

I assume by your post that this is a pending case. If you or someone you know needs some help, I would be happy to talk to them. It is so hard for me to talk about these types of cases because there is so much I do not know.

I've only seen these kinds of fact scenarios on t.v. and have never personally dealt with anything like this. However, these types of cases create new laws.

Anyways...to satisfy the readers if you have anything else you would like to add to the story, please do!

I think I stand by my earlier posts...don't I?

Anonymous said...

No Problem, very patient reader of yours.

Feel bad for the wife and kids? what about the girlfriend, she allow the wife to be taken good care of all of these years. "WoW"

Not a pending case but a case that will affect many good people, is he worth it? That is what "Texas Family Law" is all about right?
Your right you don't know alot about this case.(I hate that).
Also you are right these types of cases creates new Laws and there are cases like this.
I feel that the two women in this situation kept anything ugly from happening "for thier families", So the man thought he was ahead of himself but "Surprise, Surprise".

"Think" is not the word.
"Knowing" is the word.

Again, Chris your great!!!

saved said...

if a man marries someone knowing while still married to someone else does the second marriage become void or does there have to be an annulment? if so, do the same guidelines apply to annulment as they do to divorce in texas (ie: the 60 waiting period after filing)?

Anonymous said...

Please help. I filed an incomplete divorce petition today. Is there a way to add the required attachments to my petition. What can i do to get the required info. to the court?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Yes, you can file a "First Amended Petition for Divorce" and include all the information you left out. It does not cost anything to file this document. If you have served the other party, you will need to reserve them with this new document. If the other party signed a waiver of service (or citation), they will have to sign a new one since you filed a new document.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for your quick reply. Another question, I paid to file my divorce petition with a credit card. I really cannot afford to pay anything else. Are there going to be more fees, and if so is it too late to file a fee waiver? Please help.

Anonymous said...

My father married his second wife back in 1984. After they had a child in 1985, she abandoned both the child and my father. He never filled for divorce and went on with his life. She remarried twice since and has never even tried to reconcile with my father or her son. 5 months ago, my father received notice from her attorney officially filling for divorce. She wants half his estate! An estate she has never helped build or been a part of. They have had no contact since the separation 20 years ago and now she wants half. Does she have a legal leg to stand on? What can he do to stave off this attack?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous, yes, she has a legal leg to stand on. Will she prevail or win? WHo knows. What can he do? Simple....get a lawyer.

Anonymous said...

I cheated on my wife when we were dating. She found out a year later when we were engaged. Once married, I did nothing of the sort. She comes home one day and tells me she slept with a coworker. I tried for a week to work it out, then hired a laywer. She has the final decree in hand and was supposed to give it to me today. She laughs in my face about a few things, I fly off the handle, write her an email I shouldn't have written. I didn't threaten her or anything but now she wants to get a lawyer to see if she can win. Will she?

Tracey said...

hey Chris, my husband left for Iraq in Oct. We have been having trust issues for awhile now,before he left. He has proven,once again,that i cant trust him. And i found out he spent a week getting drunk with a gil in his room there. I went to Texas in Nov. and im still here. I want to file for a no contest divorce (insupportablitly) and get this taken care of,as soon as possible. He gets back next month (may 12) I know he'll give me whatever i want. What and how should i go about doing this?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Tracey, I am not sure what you are asking me. If you are asking me how to do it yourself, then I suggest reading my other posts on doing your own divorce. It is too difficult to go through all that all over again here.

If you are seeking legal services then you can contact me via my website at www.chrislawyer.com.

One thing to be careful of is that you do not file to early. To file for divorce in Texas you must have lived in the state for 6 months and the county in which you file for 90 days.

It sounds as if you will be close to six months by the time he returns, but make sure you get the date right before you file.

Good luck.

tracey said...

i was asking for the steps i need to take. Do i just go to a court house and tell them i want to file for a no contest divorce? can i do it alone,or does my husband need to be there? Are they going to make me get a lawyer first? things like that. I guess i wanted to know how to go about getting this done,and what is gonna happen so that im prepared.

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Tracey, you definitely need to read my other post about doing your own divorce. There is some pretty good info there on the procedure.

If you decide to do it yourself, check back to this blog or my website at www. Chrislawyer.com as I am thinking about adding a do it yourself divorce forms section that you could use. If it is not up and running by the time you file, contact me through my site and I will work something out with you to make sure you get it done correctly and cheaply.

Anonymous said...

Chris I have a question....is there any way around Texas Residency of 6 months before a divorce can be finalized?

naomi said...

My son-in-law just filed for divorce against my crazy daughter. And I do mean crazy, bi-polar with OCD & panic attacks. She ran off on a manic run with some schmuck now she wants to come back. They have 2 small children which she left with Daddy. She said from the beginning she would be gone 4-6 weeks and was trying to make some money working for a carnival. Ran off with the circus how cliche! She is going to contest the divorce and fight for joint custody. Years ago I had a girlfriend that went 2 years trying to get a divorce and her husband contested it. The judge sent them to counseling and parenting classes. What generally happens when one wants a divorce and the other doesn't?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

If your case is in Texas, then they get divorced! There is no fault divorce in Texas, so if one party wants a divorce, they are going to get a divorce. How long it takes is another thing. That is impossible to predict. It can be anywhere from 60 days to 2 years or longer.

Anonymous said...

I have a question? I was made to marry my husband so that he would be able to ship out and leave for the navy...his recruiter and MEPS told us that because he had signed our childs birth records....he had to give up rights to her befor he could leave Or get married...the recruiter orderd my birth certificate over night because i didnt even have an ID at the time t get married. We got the marriage lic. We got married the same day and he was off to boot camp that same day I didnt see him for 7 weeks and we have never lived together or anything. can we get our marriage undone even though 4 years have past?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous, yes you can get your marriage undone. File for divorce.

Anonymous said...

I am at my wit's end with my Wife (we have 4 Kids). I intend to file for divorce but most importantly I need to get out of the toxic environment that we both create. So if I move out and get an apartment, how will this affect our case? Could that be construed as abandonment?

Obviously if I move out I won't be able to pay for the mortgage amongst other bill. Is there a law that forces me to continue to pay for bills?

Anonymous said...

If I was never married to the woman. There was never wedding by court or priest in a church. Can she use a Holiday card that i may have written inside of the card, "to my wife" as evidencie and reason to file for a divorce? In the State of Texas? Concerned.

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous at your wit's end, you can certainly move out. There is no "law" that says you have to pay the mortgage in addition to your rent...but there are plenty of judge's that will. A judge will take into consideration each persons financial resources in making that determination.

If you think that want to live with you full time (i.e. you have custody) then it is probably not the best move to move out. Doing so may seal your fate as to that issue.

Good luck!

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous concerned...any easy answer to your question is yes, she can use it.

Does it mean you are married, no. It is just one piece of evidence.

johnfromlivingston said...

Chris I am from Livingston Texas, and I need an unbiassed oppinion. My wife has been cheating on me for the last year and is pregnant, I can prove that she has been cheating on me, The guy lives with us, they have a bank account together, and also her doctor put it in her chart for the paternity the day the baby is born, and that it is requested by my wife. She is also on Lexapro for being Homicidal, and that is documented as well. She refuses to make this guy leave, and legally I cant make him leave because he has already been living there, the lease is in my name with him as an occupant. When I file for the divorce, I will attempt a kick out order, but how succesful I am I dont know. Anyways my faults against me now. I was convicted nine years ago for injury to a child, I spanked my exs son and left a bruise on his butt, I was young and did not know how to raise kids, and did not know apparently how hard to spank. Her complaints about me is that I am an a#*hole when it comes to him, She keeps going back and forth with she wants a divorce and she is not sure, so I figure that if she thinks she wants one now, then even if she dont she will probably want one later, so why wait. We have a 2 year old Daughter, and my questions are what are the chances for me to get custody, and am I entitled to half of what was put in there joint account, and am I entitled to half of last years Taxes that She filed without me, and can I make sure that this other guy has nothing to do with my daughter, that he cant be around her. Thanks

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Johnfromlivingston, that is a very long post. As long as it is, I bet you could make it a lot longer than you did. Point being, you are offering me very limited information to which it is almost impossible to provide an answer.

In general however, a person with the background as you state has as good a chance to get custody of the daughter as the mother. Regardless of the past, how has the mother acted? Has your past been a problem in raising your daughter? If not, then why would it be a problem now? Point is, don't let her scream and holler about things in the past just because a divorce is on file. If it wasn't a problem during the marriage then why is it now?

I have no idea what was put into a joint account so i can't answer that question. If it was community funds (funds you earned or she earned) then you should get your portion. The judge will decide this.

You can ask the court for half the taxes but ultimately the judge will decide.

You can ask the court for an injunction against this guy being around the child. Whether it is granted depends on the judge and the facts.

Sorry I could not be of more help, but you are asking me to be the judge. You can ask for a million things, whether it will happen or not depends on the judge.

Talk to an attorney where you are located, they should be able to help.

Good luck.

I do not even want to know how you got yourself in this situation with a guy living at your house that is sleeping with your wife! Assuming the baby is his, you got her for adultery.

Holly and Chris said...

With condideration to the grounds of "Convicted of a Felony", if the incarcerated spouse has been sentanced with 9 years but has only served to date 6 months, can this still be used in a "Fault" divorce petition?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Holly, Holly Holly or Chris Chris Chris. What does the blogpost say? One year. He has to be incarcerated for one year. Not six months, one year.

Come on people, read read read.

Anonymous said...

Need help. My wife abandoned me over one year ago without notice. Over 60 days ago, I have filed for divorce and was told I needed to send documents to her for signature. I attempted this based on where I thought she might be, including the addresses of both her parents and possible place of employment. All attempts came back with unable to locate. I'm now being told I have to get a lawyer to have her served but don't have the money to hire one. What else can I do to finalize the divorce?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Anonymous, you do not HAVE to have an attorney. You can represent yourself. They are telling you this because you do not know what you are doing and they cannot give you legal advice on how to do it.

Therefore the only logical response is to tell you to get a lawyer. Check with your local county on pro bono (free) legal services or possibly a referral program. Contact the State Bar of Texas, they may be able to refer a lawyer.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Chris, my friend is representing himself in a Texas divorce. They have been seperated since Sept or Oct of last year. She spends time at school in the fall and spring semesters. Her permanent address is her parents house. He filed the paperwork on June 18th. He initially tried to get her to sign the waiver of service but that was unsuccessful. He has now requested to have her formally served but she is staying with her grandparents and working which is in another county right now. He has been told that after 3 attempts to serve her here, he can then attempt to serve her in the county where shes staying currently. Is any of this part of the process holding up the finalization or will it automatically count 61 days from the original filing date?
Also, she goes to school using student loans, will he be have to assume half of HER students loans as marital debt? Thx for the advice.

Anonymous said...

I AM GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE AND I MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE WE WERE RENTING. TWO DAYS LATER HER BOYFRIEND MOVES. SHE ADMITS TO BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR THE TWO MONTHS PRIOR TO OUR SEPERATION. IS IT LEGAL IN THE STATE OF TEXAS FOR HER TO GET ENGAGED BEFORE THE DIVORCE IS FINAL.

Jessica said...

I am a mother of three. My husband is living with another woman. He has been ordered to pay child support and has not payed. He went down to file for divorce. Then he called me and said the only way for him to get a divorce is for me to forgive part or all of the back child support. What can I do to forgo a messy divorce? His new girlfriend has money and I am not with in the poverty level to recieve free legal help, but I can't afford a lawyer. What can I do to protect me and my children in this issue?

Anonymous said...

hi: my wife and i separated after two years of marriage and remained separated for 4 years totally living apart. however, on the 3rd year she got pregnant with our first child together. after giving birth she still decides she doesnt want to be in a relationship at all but has threatened to file for divorce and claim that i "abandoned her and the child" and is seeking full child support plus other money to support her lifestyle. how she she claim i left her with child when in fact we were already separated and living apart. she got pregnant at my home. they served me with child support papers but she wont file for divorce and says she will wait and let me pay for it. will the courts take into consideration that i take care of two other children of mine on a fulltime basis that i have custody of from a previous marriage? i do have all receipts for neccessary items and copies of money orders that i have given her wich clearly state "for child support" that i plan to bring with me to the hearing. i never knew a person could file for child support in texas while still legally married and there is no pending divorce on file.

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Yes, there can be a child support case without a divorce.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Dear sir: I am considering divorce against my wife on grounds of adultery. She placed ads on Ashley Madison and SwingLifeStyle-- and I have copies of her ads and her correspondance with her paramours. I also trsnscibed text messages and chatroom coversations, and I have receipts for when she rented hotel rooms and bought condoms. I am career military and do not want to be forced to give up part of my military pension and reward adultery. In your blog you mentioned that adultery required proof . pleaselet me know if this is good enough proof so that I do not have to split my military pension with my adulterous spouse. I have not committed adultery against my spouse

Tammy said...

Hi Chris-

Just yesterday, after 2 days of packing while my husband was on a business trip, moved out of his home. We were married in Jamaica almost 2 years ago - he is in his 57 and I am 42. I slowly realized over this time period that he is in fact an alcoholic, sex addict (porn, trying to persuade me to do his swinger ideas) and has gotten worse and physically abused me in June of last year. I kept hoping things would get better as his bipolar type ups and downs would give me hope during the good times. I finally realized and decided to leave. Based on his past and how he handles others, asking him questions, I knew that the nice way he was going to fight me and I did not want my son (from previous marriage) to endure that and decided the best way was while he was out of town. After I put my plan together, I did research, then found out that is how other people married to alcoholics/addicts have to make the move. I am not that kind of person in my past and I am having serious remorse. He is saying he will see me in court and disconnected mine and my son's cell phone and I am sure he has cancelled my car insurance and finding ways he can sue me. He believes that I should pay him rent and 50% of the bills. I became unemployed and started my business back again I had previously managed 4 years ago and worked from "his" home and did all of the cooking, cleaning, etc and helped him with all the labor remodeling his home and landscaping, gave him all the plants I had been accumulating over the previous 5 years and put them in his yard. I left with only my furniture I had before our marriage and left his items he had. He had sold his pieces that we had double so now he is left without a bed, washer/dryer, sofa. My question is, can he sue me in the divorce for rent/utilities/car insurance and the health insurance he paid on me and my son that he had for a short time? Do I have to come up with labor charges for the equity I put into his home and the cooking/cleaning time and all the groceries I purchased? He never had to touch anything except for his yard. So I am confused because of his brainwashing and scared now I may have to pay him rent, etc. He is a very controlling personality, always about right vs. wrong and extremely financially focused, almost to the point of obsessed. This is not how I was raised so I don't know what can happen. I am living with a friend and interviewing for a job while making money with my business so I have no money to speak of. Can you give me an idea of what experience I might be in for?

Anonymous said...

Chris, I like what Im reading here. It sounds like you have a passion for what you do and try to take a lighthearted approach to a very heavy subject. I scenario I'd like to present and get your take on:

I have been married for 15 years now. The marriage has been a bumpy one with some seperation at times. We also have a 14 year old son together. Lately (since Aug 2010) I have been teetering back and forth on divorce. We've tried counceling and for the most part it seems like thats been going on throughout the marriage. Personally I just feel like a lot of core problems are not getting better. We are at such opposites that we cannot agree on anything even when it concerns our son. The problem is that i look at everything and say "is this really worth fighting over or loosing my marriage over" and usually give in. After all, everyone knows that if mama's not happy, nobody is happy, but when it comes to my son thats different. My wife is extremely rigid and critical. She has some faimily violence history that has taught her to be strong in any situation. You dont cry, you dont show anything but happieness or anger because everything in between is weekness. Her words not mine. Anyhow..the straw that broke in my case is that I began to see patterns where my wife's severe scrutiny and criticism normally directed at me became directed at my son. this started when he went into middle school. She criticises everything from his weight to his soft heartedness and getting choked up. he is constantly berated about not wanting to be involved in sports, try something new and his lack of confiences. I spoke to several lawyers and began to do paperwork last year because things began to come to a head. My wife and son were continually bickering. He would come to me upset asking why mom hates him, is never happy or proud of him, what did he do that has her so upset at him? I try to stay neutral in these situations but it pains me to see her treat him basically like she's treated me all these years. Before I finalized and turned in paperwork I wanted to give things a month to settle down and see how things went. She had a lot going on at work, he had a lot going on at school and I wanted a clearer picture of the problem plus I wanted to keep the marriage together if possible. Things got better through the holidays and the only hicups have really been between her and I. Recently I found out that my wife snuck around behind my back and took my son to a therapist to put him on psychotropic drugs. This has been a source of contention between the two of us for the last few years. My wife is a nurse and seems to let that spill over to diagnosing things with all of the family members and she has determined that our son is OCD, ADHD and Depressed. She somehow got this all done under my nose by not filing it through insurance instead paying for it herself out of pocket and hiding the medications, telling my son if I found out it was fine but not to bring it up. When i found out i was extremely upset. I tried to discuss it based soley on the betrayal aspect vs. my son on prescription drugs that I dont believe he needs. She stood firm and basically described all the behavioral problems (feelings of awkwardness, being anti-social, avoidance of any involvement of activity, lack of confidence etc.. basically evertying that seems to me to be a normal part of a teenage boys search for self. She points to his soft heartedness even as a sign of his depression. Anyhow, regardless of my points she dismissed everything under the premise of "I did what I had to do as a parent because you were ignoring the issues". Thats where it currently lies, so needless to say I'm back to worrying about my son both physically and mentally. I have called the prescribing physician to make them aware of the situation and request that they meet with me about my child and their assessment. Beyond this my wife's attitude is not changing so again, I'm considering divorce.

Anonymous said...

To follow that last comment with questions:

Maybe this is too broad a question but can you provide me with some guidance?

Can I request a divorce based on: cruelty?

Over the 15 years we have been married we have had infidelity issues and things had escalated early on to domestic violence on both our parts. How does this hurt me?

I feel like the system definetly favors Women getting custody vs. the father but at 14 going on 15 can my son choose and is it fair to put that on him?

Due to the deciept even when it comes to matters of medical treatment which could be a substantial safety concern, can I restrict her parental rights through the divorce so that no medical treatment (outside of ER) can be done without approval of both parties? Should I consider that she may have Munchausen syndrome and bring this up during the divorce?

I personally have concerns of potential sexual abuse. She was abused as a child and her sexual appetite is oddly towards incestuous gay material even though its limited to books it still worries me. Especially after we had an incident with our son at 12 with a younger female relative.

I really need some direction and assistance. I dont want to make this any messier than it has to be. I definetly dont want to drag out all our dirty laundry or my wife's abusive past in order to make my case but she is very agressive and will likely not offer me a peaceful resolution.

I appreciate your direction and the help your trying to provide here.

babesinvintageland said...

"I get a lot of calls from people stating that there spouse just moved out and abandoned them…”I want to claim abandonment”. Well, we now know the requirements."

"..calls from people stating the THEIR spouse just moved......"

Anonymous said...

You say that it is hard to prove adultery. What if I have all emails they exchanged in which they explicitly mention sex, and what they did. What if I can get her other man to testify, or his wife?

Anonymous said...

My name is Dustin. I know for a fact my spouse is committing adultery because i had her boyfriends spouse write a sworn statement after talking to her on the phone. She has been using drugs which is also mentioned in the statement. im in the army and cant be around that kinda stuff and wont tolerate it. is this proof enough to get her on adultery or do i need to get a sworn statment from that guy?

Anonymous said...

Ok Big Question~~~~~my father has been married for 18 yrs..more just off paper. well his wife currently left him whiling she has shared that she has been cheating, commiting adultery with another nmarried man. They have numerous outstanding loans and the mortage payment, etc. what can my father do to get her for what he can? oh and FYI, she brought home most of the income, he works as well its just he can't do it all alone. any suggestions? any one? please help.

Anonymous said...

I have a dead beat husband who wont help.out financially and has gotten us in a bad situation to where we have no vehicle. Neglects his responsibility as a father to his child (our child) . My question is how can I get a divorce from this free loader, I mean how much will it cost with one child involved?

Anonymous said...

Lets say, a husband has an affair, and commits adultery.
His wife finds out about the extramarital relationship, and the husband ends the affair to rebuild the marriage.

The rebuilding includes sexual relations...and the wife is fully aware that he had intercourse with another, but has forgiven her husband.

Can the wife use adultery as grounds for divorce down the road, should the marriage sour?

Chris Schmiedeke said...

Yes.